Text:

Exodus 20:14:

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Hebrews 13:4:

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Theme:

Affair-Proofing Your Marriage

Introduction:

This is actually a sermon that was done by Miles Seaborn (4/9/2000) that I got off of the web site, crosswalk.com. It just so happened to be the free sermon sample that they gave out to advertise the sermon purchase feature on the site. I looked at it and was instantly fed by the Holy Spirit in reading it. I passed it on to a friend of mine, Charlotte Baker, also in hopes that it provided some guidance for her. She was going through herself being in an affair and
I have just tailored it to the format and feel of the commentary and I have edited it as the Holy Spirit has led me, but I do, once again, acknowledge the original preacher who was used to write the sermon, Miles Seaborn
- God says when you play by the rules you will be blessed. Nothing destroys a family faster than adultery.
- God says, “I don’t want you committing adultery!”
- I understand that the mere mention of this word causes you pain and memories and shame. Remember the purpose of this message is not to resurrect your past. If you have confessed and forsaken a sin, God has forgiven and blotted it out – and you should too. è Guilt after confessed sin is not from God, it is from Satan.
- - This is to focus on the future.

God created sex, but like everything He created, it must be controlled and not abused. All of God’s gifts have limitations.
- Water – too much you will drown
- Fire – too much you will burn up – warm or burn
- Sex – God has given this tremendous drive. Within marriage it is beautiful and fulfilling. Outside of marriage it is sin, harmful and destructive to your total being.

God wants us to use sex as a tool to build our marriage and not destroy.
- Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
- It is a whole lot easier to get married than to stay married. Sex bombards us more than women outside the home. Birth control is readily available. We don’t stand much of a chance until we have a plan and work it.

Look at the statistics. We need to AFFAIR-PROOF OUR MARRIAGES:
- 50% of husbands, 35% of wives commit adultery.Body:

THE PROBLEM: WHAT CAUSES AFFAIRS?
- Proverbs 22:14 says, “The mouth of strange women is a deep pit: he that is abhorred of the LORD shall fall therein.”
- Why do we fall into adultery?2. UNRESOLVED CONFLICT4. UNDEVELOPED SELF-WORTH
- - 3. UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS
  - 1. UNMET NEEDS

THE PREVENTION: SIX STEPS
1 àMAKE A COMMITMENT TO “GOD’S STANDARD”
- Regardless of past failures, as of today, I agree and will follow God’s standards.
  - Bible clearly says sex is for marriage only NOT before or outside of marriage.
  - Psalm 119:9 “Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.”
  - God’s Word is the only way WITHOUT EXCUSE!
    - By living by culture? à Not having God’s Word is no justification in any culture.
    - For example, Joseph had a bad family life, but he still lived in accordance to God’s Word
    - My mate is not meeting my needs!!! à No excuse
    - Illness is no excuse!
- 1 Timothy 3:2, “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;”
  - Not a suggestion. Make a public commitment to your mate. “I will never be unfaithful to you.” Affirm that in some way to friends, co-workers. No doubt where you stand! Off the market!
  - I give all letters from women to Jeanne to read and be aware of.
2 à MAGNIFY THE CONSEQUENCES
Three reasons for being faithful to your spouse:
- 1) I love Jesus Christ. “If you love me, keep my commandments.” On this they are clear! No sex outside of marriage.
- 2) I love my wife and kids. Unthinkable pain to them if I fail.
- 3) I fear the judgment of God. Healthy fear. Hebrews 13:4, “Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
- But… God wants me to be happy. Yes, that’s why He gave you this rule!
- Adultery is selfishness – my needs above all others – ahead of God, others, church.
- - If they taught drug education in our school like they teach sex education, kids would be taught how to shoot up. They would pass out needles and say, “We know you are going to use drugs anyway so let us teach you how to do this safely!”
3 à MAINTAIN YOUR MARRIAGE
What needs are we talking about?
- Top five needs of wives and husbands

Husbands

Sexual fulfillment – no surprise to anyone married more than 10 minutes.
Recreational Companionship
Attractive wife
Domestic Support
Admiration (respect)

Wives

Affection
Conversation – Deep need to tell/hear details
Honesty and openness
Financial support
Family commitment

No wonder we have such trouble adjusting in marriage.

We come into marriage thinking we will marry someone like ourselves. But we are radically different in our needs and expectations.
Men set out to meet the needs THEY have in their lives and feel frustrated because the wife doesn’t feel like they do. Vice Versa.
We must learn what it is our spouse needs and meet them to the best of our ability even if they are not your needs.

OUR SEXUAL RESPONSIBILITIES AND THE SEXUAL NEEDS OF THE SPOUSE:
- 1Corinthians 7:5, “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
- God’s Word says sex is a spiritual responsibility in marriage. To deny or restrict each other is to ask for trouble.
  - Scientific study on what days most men like to make love. For some reason they all began with “T”, Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Taterday and Tunday!!J
- Marriage Ceremony is an exclusive commitment to meet these needs (Top 5). Must make a commitment to be the best lover or the most romantic of husbands.

4 à MANAGE MY MIND
The battle for any temptation begins in our minds.
You are what you think
- II Timothy 2:22, “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
- Romans 16:19, “For your obedience is come abroad unto all men. I am glad therefore on your behalf: but yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil.”
Keep our lawns so green everyone else’s looks brown
Be Best Friends
- It is easy to leave your spouse. It is not easy to leave your best friend!
How Affairs Develop
1) Accepting sinful thoughts in my mind
- Some things you can’t do – movies, books, and concerts.
2) Emotional, non-physical involvement
- No problem – No contact.
- You look to a person other than your spouse for deep emotional needs, comfort, understanding, and support.
- Unbelievers don’t stay here – unbelievers come here!
3) Physical involvement
- Cross line – power of this sin is horrendous.Power of feeling of love/passion is the hardest thing to do.
4) Rationalizing the affair – We deceive ourselves
Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”
- What we tell ourselves:
  - If only my heart will meet my needs I wouldn’t be in this.
  - Just one more time
  - We love each other – “love will never fracture – hurt the family”
  - God will forgive and God will love us no matter what
  - True but don’t presume – Arrogant!
- James 1:14-15, “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”
- 2 Timothy 2:22, “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
- Romans 16:19, “For your obedience is come abroad unto all men. I am glad therefore on your behalf: but yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil.”

5 à MAINTAIN PROPER RELATIONSHIPS
- Ephesians 5:3, “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;”
- NOTE: Most affairs happen between friends, co-workers or family.

6 à MINIMIZE THE OPPORTUNITY
If you don’t want to be stung, stay away from the bees!
- 1 Corinthians 10:12, “Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.”
- 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.”
- Malachi 2:15, “….Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.”
- BEWARE: This could never happen to me! Who are you kidding?!? Young or old – given the right situation all of us are capable of anything! Put guards around your life.

Business travel
- TV / meals along with the opposite sex.

Choose friends carefully
- Your best friends should be committed to their marriage and yours.

Establish guidelines
- Business offices – ripe for attraction.
- Even in church office – Law! Watch us –

Counseling Women
- Open door – glass door.

I had rather to go overboard than be thrown or fall overboard.
I would rather be SAFE than SORRY!
- BLAMELESS ELDER – above reproach.

Conclusion:

Adultery does not have to kill a marriage!

THE PATHWAY TO PURITY

1 à Acknowledge the Sin — God has never changed his standard
If you are guilty of any of this, this can be a place to get your act together!
- John 6:37, “All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.”

2 à End the relationship immediately
TODAY!

3 à Avoid ALL contact with the person from now on.
Do whatever it takes to do this! Change jobs, bible study, even more –

God thought of sex and used properly it is a great blessing and joy – used wrongly it can be devastating!

Make a commitment to be morally pure from this da

Affair-Proofing Your Marriage

Exodus 20:14:

Hebrews 13:4:

Affair-Proofing Your Marriage

Husbands

Wives

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